The Reality of Loving Someone

I am not a relationship advisor, neither I have experienced "true love", these are just my wild philosophical views about this overrated concept of loving someone.

You know what’s funny about love? We all think we’re experts until we’re knee-deep in it, staring at our phone wondering why that “good morning” text hasn’t arrived yet. Suddenly, we’re not hopeless romantics—we’re just hopeless.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about love. Not just the mushy, rom-com kind where everything gets tied up in a neat bow by the credits, but the messy, complicated kind that makes you question your sanity. The kind where love starts feeling less like a connection and more like a full-time project. One day, you’re vibing together, and the next, you’re holding a clipboard, ticking boxes to make sure they meet your “relationship goals.”

Been there. Done that. And you know what I realized? Most of us (myself included) aren’t in love with the actual person—we’re in love with the idea of them. We craft this perfect version of who they should be and get confused when the real, breathing human doesn’t fit the mold. And that’s where the trouble starts.

Why Possessiveness Isn’t Cute

At first, it feels innocent. You love someone, so of course, you want them around. You want to feel secure. Maybe you start setting “boundaries”—which sounds healthy, right? Until you realize those boundaries aren’t about protecting your well-being; they’re about controlling the other person. Suddenly, you’re micromanaging their life like a jealous CEO.

I’ve caught myself doing it before—silently expecting people to behave the way I needed them to, and then getting weirdly hurt when they didn’t. It’s not a good look. Turns out, that’s not love. That’s just fear wearing a cute outfit.

We do this because deep down, we’re terrified of losing the people we care about. We think holding on tighter will protect us. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. It just squeezes the life out of everything.

The Fantasy vs. Reality Problem

Here’s the hard truth I had to face: when you love someone, you can’t turn them into a fantasy version of themselves. Real people are complex. They’re unpredictable. Sometimes they’ll do things that annoy you, and sometimes they’ll be absolutely amazing in ways you never expected.

But if you’re too busy trying to fit them into a box labeled “My Ideal Partner,” you’ll miss all the good stuff. Worse, you’ll start resenting them for not being someone they were never supposed to be. It’s like getting mad at a cat for not acting like a dog. (Don’t do that. Cats have enough attitude already.)

Love Without Attachment

So, what’s the alternative? It’s not some magical love where nobody ever gets hurt. It’s not about being detached or not caring. It’s about letting go of the need to control the outcome.

Loving without attachment is terrifying at first. It means accepting that things might not last. People might leave. Feelings might change. But you know what? That’s okay. Because love is at its best when it’s free, not when it’s fenced in.

I’m learning to love people for who they really are—not who I wish they would be. And it’s not always easy. Sometimes it’s messy and awkward and uncomfortable. But it’s also the most freeing thing I’ve ever done.

The Beauty of Letting Go

The more I let go, the more space I have to actually enjoy the people in my life. It’s like getting rid of clutter in your room—you suddenly realize how much better everything feels when you’re not buried under unnecessary expectations.

I’ve stopped seeing love as a contract with guarantees and started seeing it as an adventure. I’m here for the ride, not the destination. Some days, it’s smooth sailing; other days, it’s a roller coaster that makes me want to throw up. But at least it’s real.

So, if you’re like me—if you’ve ever clung too tightly or felt like love is slipping out of your hands—here’s my advice: loosen your grip. Let people surprise you. Love them for who they are, not who you want them to be.

You might just find that letting go feels a lot more like holding on.